sure i say mean and hateful things when i am mad, but don’t we all? we’re only human. but what i think sets some people apart from others is the ability to forgive and give chances to people. to give them the benefit of the doubt. i have never really been a hateful person. i forgive very very easily. i forget about the wrongs people have done almost just as easily. i am always always looking for the opportunity to restart, to forgive and forget, to bestow someone with a second chance.
i truly believe people are better than their actions. that sometimes life gives us too much to handle that we can’t handle it all gracefully. in the past week i have completely let go of all my hate, all my anger, all my resentment for things that happened in my past and the people associated with them.
i have forgiven my father. now we are exactly how we were when i was really little. i talk to him at least once a week, maybe more. it’s not right for me to just out my dad, he’s my dad. he made mistakes. we all do, and i am not childish enough to not see that i didn’t play a part in the downfall of the relationship. but i’m making it right.
i have forgiven ben. love is a scary, fragile and extremely messy thing. and god knows as much as he hurt me i know he was just scared and confused. he was troubled and lost and didn’t want to drag me down with him. i see that now. and i am so sorry i didn’t see that before. i blamed him, i blamed him for everything, all my pain. when it wasn’t his fault, i cause my own pain. i fucked up, and i screwed up an amazing friendship because i was upset and bitter about lost love -that in reality was always there.
i have forgiven melissa. she loved ben, everyone including myself new that. he was her first love. that’s something you can’t get over. why should friends stand in the way of love? that’s just it, they shouldn’t. so i am proud that she followed her heart despite everything. that was very brave, because she knew she could loose a friend because of it. hating someone because they have the drive and the nerve to follow their dreams and listen to their heart -that’s wrong.
i have forgiven my moms family. i am still so sad they left, and i do not have them in my life anymore. but i would like to think you are more sad that the relationship with my mom failed and that led to you not seeing me and my sister grow up. i see that must have been a hard decision to make and something really strong must have pulled you away from that opportunity.
most of all, i have forgiven myself. for every wrong decision, every wrong turn. everything i did lead me to where i am today. and god damn, i love where i am. so why would i regret anything? why would i hate myself? i am only human, i make mistakes. i learn from them and move on. i become stronger and a better person.
i promise to live a life with no regrets, to sometimes make that wrong turn and fight my way back to the path i’m supposed to be on. i promise to forgive, i promise to always be there to lend a helping hand, even if i am in deep water myself. life is too short for hate, for regret, for sadness and misery. no one said life was easy, no one said the right choice would be obvious. life, sometimes grants us with so much that we can not handle gracefully, but we will all get through. all of us. don’t fill yourself with so much hate, lighten the load and fill yourself with love and forgiveness instead.
i don’t regret anything, and neither should you. i don’t hate anyone, and neither should you.